How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
