Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
