i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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