Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
