just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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