You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
