im drinking this country out of the recession.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
