she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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