Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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