It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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