Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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