true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
a search helicopter?!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
