It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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