im six kinds of drunk right now
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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