Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
