Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
im six kinds of drunk right now
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
