Who wears a wallet chain?!
you traded sex for a burrito?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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