When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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