I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
