May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
