I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
