taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
