I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
