She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
