Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
