i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
