a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
