Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
