I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
