Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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