just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
