I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
