I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
