And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
