Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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