You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
