I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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