Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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