For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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