I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
