Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
