I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
