i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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