she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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