I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Drake has all the answers
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
