Only a mothe r could love this liver
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
