batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
