Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Oh god it's open bar.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
