Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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