We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
