when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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