do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
